Impossible Is Nothing

2007-05-01T02:33:00.000-07:00

I finally switched my phone to this Razr V6 after using my nokia 6610i for what seems to be an eternity. A phone to complement my transition back to civillain world from ns. Its still 189 days to ORD but lets hope these days would fly by :)

2007-02-10T06:06:00.000-08:00

The past two months have been eventful to say the least, filled with issues that I would have never be mentally prepeared to face. I just feel very guilty right now. Lost a loved one in my life, whom I've not been cherishing as much as I should all this while. I'll like to blame it on my work, my studies, my personal problems for the cause of this negligiance, but at the end of the day its just that I've done too little and left things a little too late all these times. Studies being put on hold due to a suspected condition of migraine but I doubt things are as simple as it seems.Looking forward to my follow-up appointment for a less vague diagnosis. Right now I can just say that I'm the most relieved person in the world, I've never imagined that I'll be so glad to get 7 extra duty. :)

2006-10-29T20:24:00.000-08:00

Looks like I've just gotten older by a year.But its honestly been a bitter sweet year for me filled with lots of moments of despair and opportunities to mature and improve.With the following year let's hope that it'll be possible to will myself to achieve more in terms of academics and other aspects.

1) Get that IPPT
2) Marksmanship for the next year
3) Study well for my 'A's
4) Something else...haha

Watch this space.

2006-07-22T00:52:00.000-07:00

This week is mostly being occupied by the OEMP test at Air Force School.Though boring and uninspiring at times,I've really learnt alot throughout the course.Hopefully the test results would be a good reflection of all the effort we've put into trying to stay awake during lessons.Its just lessons comprising of countless powerpoint slides containing details that doesn't make much sense to the human mind.

Received some advice which really jolted me back to reality.Maybe I should have been more proactive last year instead of adopting a passive attitude.Looks like it'll all depend on fate now.All I have are just memories left of what refuses to fade off into oblivion, and the denial of an opportunity to go back to the starting line.Just waiting and waiting forever for something which I couldn't let go.

2006-06-23T21:06:00.000-07:00

This week is a pretty good week for me.Moved to our new bunk and managed to reserve one of the best beds.Its got everything I had wished for so its really only the slightest of deviation from what I had idealised.The TV at my bedside, makes it akin to sleeping beside a stadium cos everybody would crowd around my bed to watch soccer, which is fast becoming a bane in my life.

Life there is rather slack and uneventful.So everything seems to proceed at a leisurely pace, which is really detrimental to fitness levels.It really takes alot of discipline to maintain one's fitness with human tendencies surfacing to take the easy way out by just lying around doing nothing.I don't want to see everything that I had worked so hard to achieve come to nought.

I'm really grateful to God for helping me through an emotionally troubled week.Alleviating the strain imposed by guilt and remorse, and answering my prayer for guidance.This incident served a reminder not to take our loved ones for granted, treating every second like it may be the last.I've derived an answer to a problem but not its solution, until then I'm still as lost as ever.

2006-06-09T09:45:00.000-07:00

This week was rather arduous compared to all the weeks in my course cos its finally sumex deployment, a fitting finale to wrap up an exhausting course.Had to wake up on monday morning at 3am to prepare the setting off procedures.Fortunately the deployment site was on a hilltop so the view really ease all the discomforts of heat rash and the physically demanding emplacement of equipments.

Its been raining almost throughout the whole duration that we spent there, providing ample opportunities to catch up on sleep at the back of the tonner.Remained in a half-dead demeanour throughout the outfield, with only 2 to 3 hours of sleep every night.That excludes the guard duties and working on equipments till 4am in the morning.All this under pitch-black conditions just adds to the frustrations.

Better go catch some sleep now...

2006-05-27T01:51:00.000-07:00

I've finally gotten my ipod nano 4GB.Really slick.Really stylish.Really fragile.The first time I took it out of the box I was so scared of dropping it.Can't believe that after so much considerations I've finally gotten it after all.Dun feel like putting it down at all haha.I'm bringing it wherever I go.

Just finished sun-tanning and swimming at sentosa after our squadron day celebration which is something like a beach party.Most unfortunately,our trainee flight came in last in the overall standings cos there's a conspiracy to let the flight which we would be posted to win the events.Guess everybody knows which side their bread is buttered then.Swallowed quite a bit of very very salty sea water after being thrown into the waters,the only silver lining in the clouds being that I managed to drag a few ppl in as well.

Will be heading for Gotham Penthouse later.Hopefully everything will turn out well tonight.

2006-05-01T00:18:00.000-07:00

I'm going to be confined next week.Yay! What a "great" way to spend my weekend. Honestly those PT sessions by sergeant tee is killing me.More and more pull-ups and push-ups.Running 7km with combat boots on.The insanity just doesn't cease here.Don't you just hate it when some super fit commando sergeant comes along and expects everybody to conform to his standards.

Words of encouragements are like "trainee is this the best you can do?","you guys are being selfish!" and best of all "trainee are you crying?".Its really nuts doing 500 push-ups after a 7k run.Constant exposure to insanity spurs my imperceptible developement of stoicalness.Maybe playing soccer during confinement day helps time pass faster.

2006-03-26T02:27:00.000-08:00

I just detest it when u get people nagging about why I'm not studying or constantly reminding me about the fact that I might do worse for my A levels.I know what I'm doing so just butt out of my life and quit whining to me to work when you're just faking your way through.Stop suppressing me with all that seniority crap I'm not buying any of it.If you can't do it on your own effort then stop pressurising me like you've been there and done that.

Maybe I'm getting pissed off with all the problems going on my family.Its not as simple as what meets the eyes and its going to just get worse over time.I'm just too tired to get involved anymore.

2006-03-20T04:10:00.000-08:00

alright....my vocation wasn't as slack as i had previously thought.pretty tough actually by slacker standards.I'm gonna go outfield for training after all.And it ain't no 9 to 5 job so i'm cooped up in the airbase over the week.only that i'm allowed to go home this week before being posted to another air base.Hopefully I'll be assigned the larger missiles....its more slack after all.Got a rude awakening this morning when the guy standing next to me fainted and fell face first.When he turned around I saw his whole chin bone was exposed.Almost fainted but managed to get to the toilet to puke.Nice way to start the day....haiz

2006-03-11T20:43:00.000-08:00

Leaving tekong behind for good.Slight consolations to cover up my fucked up results.Getting away from a group of fucked up hypocrites that seems to surround me in camp.Hopefully I'll get into the air force making everything simpler for me to handle.

Maybe it's because I tend to be easily frustrated under stress, had pretty alot of arguments with my platoon people.No I'm not being arrogant but its just that there's other problems surfacing in my mind that I remain oblivious to reality.Its not that I don't want to be a team player but its just that sometimes I prefer to stay away from everything.I can settle it by myself.

Going back to camp and hearing your buddy bemoan his misfortune at having only 4A and 2D makes it near impossible not to reach out and smack him.Being scolded by superiors just doesn't aid my apathetic attitude towards training.

2006-02-25T09:53:00.000-08:00

Its almost passing out parade time, and yes the commanders are getting pretty eccentric.Sergeants jabbing bayonets into their fingers to demonstrate a pretty cool trick.Screaming at us after discovering my secret chocolate stash in my locker.Making my platoon mate roll on the ground around the entire platoon in full battle order.Then making us believe that we're gonna march back 7km in full battle order back to camp only to find tonners hidden behind a corner.The sick jokes that's customary of my twisted company.

Giving up OCS although my platoon people are trying their best to sabo me into it.Maybe I'll consider it when I'm more ready for it.Maybe after redoing BMT again?In the mean time I think I'll just aim for guards,and lets see how things go after taking my a level results into consideration.

Making mission impossible possible.YEAH....

2006-01-31T00:31:00.000-08:00

After four days spent as a civillian I'm really drearing the next few hours I don't really wanna go back to camp.Been running like crazy for the past few weeks and it's pretty much reaching the end of my tether.Forcing myself to run despite suffering from respiratory tract infection just makes things worse.My lungs are hurting pretty badly during normal breathing but just endured through the entire speed training and trying to outdo the commanders.Haiz the dire consequences of an overdose of pride.

Its been running and running from day to day.I can't extend my MC or it'll dent my OCS chances.So just have to put up with the horrible 25 min runs which I think is about 6+ k every other day.Training has just gotten more intense,and hopefully I'll make it through where others will fall and get weeded out in the race for OCS.

Hope I can rid myself of the terrible dreams I've been getting each night.maybe it's sign that I'm ready

2006-01-27T23:50:00.000-08:00

After 3 weeks of infamy, my rifle will be the most sought after in the upcoming field camp.Hope it doesn't get stolen or I'll be really stuck with guard duties...

2006-01-05T05:01:00.000-08:00

my last few hours before enlisting tomorrow.as much as i want to leave behind all my problems, its getting really impossible. i'm not sure what would happen in the next few months and i just wanna get something off my chest before going into this exile. army does not worry me a single bit but because of you, i am afraid.

i feel like a shade, being able to see you but you're just oblivious to my presence.what must i ever do to change all these.leaving you with doubts lingering over whether i might ever see you again. hopefully time may erase all the pain caused by my ineptitude. just have to channel my attention to the pursuit of success.

For Honour And Glory...

2006-01-02T03:29:00.000-08:00

i can't take this crap anymore.

2005-12-28T06:57:00.000-08:00

Back from Genting and dead tired after 3 days of continuous shopping.Its like being pointed at with a gun and forced to do some reluctant window-shopping and watch some crappy movies like The Promise yet again.I'm not sure what happened but the tickets that were bought were of movies at some unearthly hour like 2am for starters.

An exile into a com-less and cable-less world was pretty unnerving to begin with.I lasted only 6 hours before starting my search for the nearest LAN shop there.Had no choice but to eat fast food for every meal there,and the service there really sucks big time.Instead of regaining my fitness I'm actually deviating further from it.

Finally met one of my best friends there.We've not been in contact for the past 6 years due to issues of pride.It's really remarkable that so much has changed within this peroid.Both of us are in a pretty bad state now.However,I hope that things will turn out fine for the both of us just like it had been in the past.By the way I've not changed too much anyway.Though dreams are tossed and turned along the way,I'm still confident that we'll make it through

2005-12-22T10:30:00.000-08:00

Called up CMPB today after much procrastination.Actually its really possible to defer NS for private candidate but i'll have to double my BMT time.So much for patriotism...Extended my passport too after promising to do so since last week.A one year extension really puts thoughts in my head...Like evading NS and the other devious schemes.

Wish I'm not that confused now.I'm really not sure regarding which step to take.Once glimmering paths are now fading away.If I can't even get the easy part done how am I going to take on the more difficult segment?Help me God(If you're really listening...and do point out the fine prints to me this time)

It's not the time for game over yet.

2005-12-18T06:32:00.000-08:00

Just thinking whether I should be getting a job now?
But with only 2 weeks left its making things more complicated.
Maybe I'll just put off this idea till later.
Many matters just cropped up and it's most frustrating to see the manner by which it is unfolding.
There are many things which I dislike but can't make myself refuse.
Well, well, I'll just stick to the plans and see what gives.
Although the prospects are pretty bleak.
So damn frustrated.
I want to scream but words never do leave my lips

2005-12-14T09:48:00.000-08:00

Holed up at home with insomnia is really horrible.
Just have to drink myself to sleep.
An inverted biological clock is what I'm facing now.
Actually being a wimp really sucks
I won't be like this if I had more guts then

2005-12-12T07:55:00.000-08:00

Darn army.There's really nothing to do now and I'm bored to death counting down to the day when I'm suppose to pay for my sins at Tekong.I'll have to give up so many things by then.Yes and being suckered into displaying some pretentious patriotism like its the norm.All this happening while others are allowed freedom to do whatever they want.

There's alot more sacrifices to be made than what meets the eye.Sometimes I wonder why not just declare that you're gay and evade NS.Actually considering current situations,I'd rather be enlisted early than be engulfed by this stupid checkmate issue that I'm facing.

It's still not my fault.

2005-12-09T23:55:00.000-08:00

When I replied so-so I didn't mean what I had said.

Sorry really does seem to be the hardest word.

2005-12-05T09:37:00.000-08:00

Prom day was pretty hectic for me.As usual runnning late for the reception.Reached the hotel in a pretty ruffled state before straightening up at the restroom.Fortunately everything came together much better than I had expected.The events just went by in a whirl.There are times when I just sat there thinking whether I should or should not approach somebody.Although she passed me by a few times but being the indecisive me I just couldn't get my butt off that couch.Maybe some words are better left unspoken.

After prom party was suppose to be enjoyable but there's no mood for anything other than drinking away the whole night.Waiting for her,maybe its better that she wasn't at the club judging from what was actually going on.Dismayed yet relieved...I'm really going crazy.

Then horrors of horrors appeared just when I was feeling rather tipsy.I just had to get away from the club never mind that I was having troubles navigating my way around.Just when I thought things couldn't suck any further.Drank more than I actually should with my gastric problem in full flow,though these times are better off being drunk than sober.

2005-11-28T22:34:00.000-08:00

Just got home from soccer with the class guys...Amazingly I've really deproved so much since the last time I played.Dead-beat after a while of running,a stark contrast to my lazy lifestyle recently.Been walking about continuously for the past few days trying to find prom attire but I'm really not too sure what I'm going to settle for.A suit or just informal?

Have to go to Domanchi later to buy my stuff...So much more exhausting than studying for exams.

2005-11-28T09:45:00.000-08:00

Your Personality Profile

You are dependable, popular, and observant.Deep and thoughtful, you are prone to moodiness.In fact, your emotions tend to influence everything you do.

You are unique, creative, and expressive.You don't mind waving your freak flag every once and a while.And lucky for you, most people find your weird ways charming!

World's Shortest Personality Test

2005-11-13T02:18:00.000-08:00

I'm just not prepared for A levels.What a bad time to become moody once again,been feeling rather down throughout the whole week and for some reason keep craving to sleep a whole day away.Even Gp I'm not really confident of delivering the A1 I promised,I'll be contented with an A2.Everything seems so out of place.I'm going to suck for this exam.Maybe I'll just have to retake next year in NS.

2005-10-19T23:37:00.000-07:00

Darn! I'm enlisting for NS on 6 Jan...2 more months of freedom till judgement day in Tekong.Thinking back over the past 2 years I've really made alot of mistakes and changed alot in the process.Becoming more obstinate and unyielding compared to my VS days.Reflecting on the mistakes I made I've really regretted alot of them...How on earth could I ever strive for the clouds and yet overlook what was before my eyes?I don't know if there's a second chance but I've really got to resolve this before enlistment.Only one evening to resolve 2 years of mistakes...

Impossible...

2005-10-07T12:28:00.000-07:00

I'm not going to turn back...I don't give a damn anymore...It's no longer my responsibility...I can't wait for you forever.Its time to move on...Sorry but I have to resort to this approach.

So what if everything becomes fogged by my own personal materialistic thinking...I'm going for this win at all cost approach so its really impossible to settle for anything less than ideal.I deserve what I wanted,not someone else less worthy.I won't back down without a final attempt for a coup de grace.

2005-10-04T10:16:00.000-07:00

Enough is enough - you feel frustrated and rejected. You are fighting back and the going is tough. It would be just wonderful if you could be left in peace.

You are experiencing considerable difficulty trying to achieve your goals. As a consequence of this you are becoming more and more irritable. Your friends and acquaintances are finding it increasingly more difficult to appease or to reason with you. You are the cause of your own problems. Don't be so impulsive. It is your vacillation that can lead to problems and uncertainties. Ease up a little.

At times one is burdened with more than one's fair share of problems and this would appear to be your situation at present. But you are adamant - you know what you wish to achieve - and by giving a little and taking a little you may well find that the realization of your dreams could become a reality.

For whatever the reason, you find it extremely difficult to sustain relationships - that is to sustain them in the manner that you would wish. You are a very gentle sort of person, full of feeling, sensitivity and susceptible to love and affection, looking and longing for a partner with whom you can enjoy 'All things bright and beautiful' - someone with whom you can seek out the more esoteric things of life. But up to now this person has only existed in your imagination. You are very choosy, appreciative, refined and extremely artistic in temperament and it is your hope to seek others who will allow you to form and express your own taste and judgement and who at the same time may assist you in your intellectual or artistic growth.

Perhaps in the distant past your trust and belief in your fellow man was misplaced and you can now no longer accept anything as it appears to be. You are untrusting and you insist that before you commit yourself to anything, you examine the pro's and con's with critical discrimination. The situation has now progressed to one where you are apt to disagree yet not make any form of constructive criticism to every suggestion that may be put to you. As a result you are in limbo. There is a saying that goes 'The past does not equal tomorrow'. Think about it - and let go.

2005-09-30T04:31:00.000-07:00

I am so in love with the iPod nano...its simply so sleek and cool...an absolute masterpiece...must get it this weekend.My patience is tethering on the edge of breaking.Temptations don't come bigger than this...haha...

Just received a call from the Air Force for my pilot interview.Apparently I passed the initial test and they had mistakenly informed me that I had failed.I'm really at a lost over what to do...will this be just another attempt to dangle a carrot in front of me and yank it away when I'm just reaching for it?All my planning had just went out of the window...

A sign that I have my path chosen for me...I ain't objecting too much that's for sure...

2005-09-28T11:08:00.000-07:00

Prelims was nothing less than shambolic and disastrous...eons away from my target.Maybe its just a bad reflection of my topic selecting stuying style.Forever dependant on mood swings to selct the topics that I wish to study or not.FEC is nothing to rave at.Absolutely disgraceful indeed...Just where had the A eluded me again.

I just can't tolerate the hypocritical whining.People living in glass houses shouldn't throw stones.All those despicable acts just spurs me on to prove a single point.Talent is everything...Hardwork amounts for little.

2005-09-24T04:58:00.000-07:00

Prelims is finally over!Giving me the chance to let all hell break loose...Clocked 7 hours of DOTA on the last day of exams when I should be sleeping to repay my sleep debt.I would like to attribute all my eleventh hour cramming to endless cups of tea and menthol.Actually I was rather lucky in my slipshod studies.Compressed two whole years of lectures into one night of insane mugging.But despite the lack of effort,I'll think I'll still do quite well.But its no more fooling around from next week onwards,

My GP essay got above 30 when ms quek gave me a clue on my grades.A major relieved considering that I wasn't really in the mood to do any writing that day and I was preparing to fail the essay.Monday will be the time for me to pay my dues then...Really got to go for it and not hold back whatsoever.

I just don't get it how to say what I want to say.Especially when the gap is so huge there's no way for any form of fortuitous opportunities.So unlike the typical VS guy...

2005-09-06T06:44:00.000-07:00

This damn brain of mine just refuses to accept all the info...A very petulant mind indeed...maybe it just needs someone worthy enough for it to compete against...a worthy competitor is just so hard to find...

2005-08-27T23:12:00.000-07:00

Success is 99% inspiration and 1% hard-work.
That's what I believe.
Got to go mug now.
Time is awasting.

2005-08-24T23:29:00.000-07:00

Darn!I just missed a day of lesson cos I couldn't seem to be able to walk properly in the morning.Looks like I got kicked quite badly while playing soccer yesterday,my ankle is feeling like it's dropping off.Wish that it would recover quickly so that I'll be able to get my revenge next week.The pain is still present despite a whole day of rest,I'll just have to get used to it.

The air force just sent me that letter just to reiterate the fact that I've not been selected.I'm just not good enough for this and for that.If someone else can do it,why can't I?Is somebody showing that I'm not even worthy?Just me being incompetent and inadequate then...

2005-08-19T06:10:00.000-07:00

Even my dad requested to sign the petition of VS.Even an alumni could have so much affection for the school and yet Ang Pow Chew can't even open those bloody eyes of his.Is he mad,stupid or crazy?Ridiculous attempt to alter our culture...nice one asshole but that ain't going to happen!A scheming conspiracy with that black dog maran and that sorry loser Old Man Chia might just eradict any remaining traditions.Get a life Ang and quit try to suck up to VJ.Where's your non-existant loyalty to the school you spineless flip-flopper.VS belongs to us Victorian and not to a lousy bastard who's just so damn talented at building fish ponds and buying arrowanas.Keep to your fucking fishes and leave the school alone.

Its 'Thy Sons Are We' and it shall stay this way for many more years to come.Yours is a plan destined for failure by compromising our sports for the academic fields.How else will we get to kick Chinese High's sorry butts in cross-country?Are u rolling over and allowing them to have a go at us?

Get ur filthy paws off my beloved VS and it will be 'Thy Children Are We" over my dead body!

2005-08-18T00:32:00.000-07:00

Returned home from the pilot test...The first half was done pretty well,almost perfect answers,but screwed up badly for the damn second part.Although the things that we had to accomplished were ridiculously difficult,but it proves something.Just that I'm not good enough to pass this test after all...Nothing less than a miracle can help me now.

VS is also facing alot of problems right now...I just hope victorians will just stand up and be counted in the biggest crisis we had ever encountered.A fiend from within...that's what I can say.

2005-08-12T08:37:00.000-07:00

I need a purpose in life.
A life of incompetence and failure
is too ghastly a prospect to fathom.
I can't stumble through time without my target
But words seem to be non-existent.
Till the time that I will speak forth,
There are fears yet to be vanquished.
Time and tide may not wait for me,
But to catch up on lost time I will.

I will not try.
I will not put in my best effort.
I will get what I want, no matter what it takes.

Just wait for me...

2005-07-28T01:55:00.000-07:00

My metamorphorsis into a couch potato is almost complete.My strength has deteriorated from the NAPFA peroid due to my shirking of training.Stamina has become virtually non-existent,and even all my soccer skills have deserted me.Just desperately crave for some much-needed sleep time.

Guess it's time to knuckle down and get down on it...

2005-07-26T03:37:00.000-07:00

Dead tired and frustrated.
Just having no idea to hit the magical figures in my GP.
Do I have to write shakespeare?
Absolutely clueless.

I saw you in a crowded place,
And I don't know what to do.
But I can't escape the truth.
Cause I really don't want to lose this one

2005-07-15T23:05:00.000-07:00

This is a really pissed-off week.Why can't u just shut that caustic mouth of yours you study freak.Damn you.It isn't really true that you're grades are that fantastic for all the effort that u put.I'll be really upset if I were in your shoes.So keep your comments to yourself cos they're unwanted and certainly unappreciated.Blame me not for being so cynical but prepare yourself for my return serve.

Why do vieira had to go to Juve I just don't understand...

2005-07-14T01:19:00.000-07:00

After an agonising week,I'm just so tired.Virtually half-dead.However,it's already thurs and weekends are fast approaching.Anticipating some well-deserved sleep to pay off my sleep debt.The 2 warcraft premier tix are currently sitting on my table.Hmm...wonder who shall I invite?Interested applicants do apply...haha